The Rolling Stones’ 2019 Tour: FAQs

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Charlie Watts, Ronnie Wood and Keith Richards a few weeks earlier, at MetLife Stadium, NJ

Q. With a combined age of 301, this indeed “may be the last time,” so, how were the Rolling Stones at Levi’s Stadium?
A. Holy Jesus, Joseph, Judas and Mary, Mother of God, to the umpteenth degree on steroids. You could say it was OK. You could also say the Pacific Ocean is moist.

Q. Did M. Jagger look all right after his “minimally invasive” heart valve replacement procedure, which caused the postponement of this concert from May?
A. He indeed looked fantastic.

Q. How do you mean fantastic: for a 76-year-old who should be walking with a zimmer frame?
A. He looked way better than your normal everyday 35-year-old American who works out every day. Slim, and frenetically energetic, prancing with gesticulating arms and high-kicking legs like one of those wind puppets at used car lots after a small nuclear detonation.

Q. Why are walkers called zimmer frames in the U.K.?
A. Zimmer Holdings was the first and main manufacturer over there for a while. Stuck in people’s heads. Kind of like Kleenex. Never mind that.

Q. How was your first trek to Levi’s Stadium?
A. The break between the opening band Vista Kicks from Roseville, California, and The Stones was about 45 minutes long, exactly the amount of time it took to stand in the interminable lines for any food or drink. Even Peet’s coffee line. The wine line might have been longer.

Watch Mick and the Stones get their “Rocks Off” at Levi’s Stadium

Q. What was the crowd like?
A. Hardcore fans. Young and old; mostly old. 40% wore some sort of vintage Stones memorabilia and a tenth were in the current tour’s shirts. A family of four in front of us were all wearing the European version.

Q. Does Keith still have it?
A. Oh my living god, yesssssss. Don’t know what deal with devil he made, but Keith still knocks it out of the park. Except now he looks like Steven Wright playing Marley in a panto version of the Christmas Carol. But he was smiling. A lot. They all looked like they were having fun.

Q. What was more impressive: the four 70-foot video walls, the 100-foot runway into the crowd or the costume changes?
A. The latter, accomplished by everyone except Charlie Watts, who got to sit down for the whole thing, but as the oldest of the four at 78, he deserved the rest.

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in Chicago, June 21, 2019

Q. Any interesting costumes?
A. Mick hit stage wearing a fuchsia toreador jacket and later opened a brown leather Harlequin jacket to reveal a No Filter Tour t- shirt underneath. The same shirt being sold at concession stands. Clever bit of cross- promotion there.

Q. Nobody ever called these boys stupid, eh what?
A. Well, not since Brian left.

Q. Left?
A. He ain’t coming.

Q. Did the concert break Santa Clara’s precious curfew?
A. Mick said goodnight for the final time two hours and 10 minutes after hello, following a titanic revisionist anthemic version of “Satisfaction” at exactly 10:57, three minutes before the hastily negotiated 11:00 pm curfew, which is normally 10 on a school night, but since it was the make- up Sunday, not the originally scheduled Saturday, they compromised. And gave the Greatest Septuagenarian Rock Band in the History of the World a gimmee. You can even remove the septuagenarian part.

Related: And how were the Stones when they played New Jersey?

Q. What was the penalty for going over?
A. $1,000 fine.

Q. Paid for by whom?
A. Ostensibly the Stones. So you can see why they paid such close attention to the clock.

Q. Did they look any worse for wear?
A. All four are lean and their sunken and chiseled features look like woodcuts of ancient mariners.

Q. Best line of the night?
A. From Mr. Jagger, “I’ll always remember the smell at the Cow Palace.” As will we all, Sir Mick, as will we all.

Will Durst is a Bay Area based political comic on whose foot Ginger Baker once stepped.

Related: Durst’s unique take on Paul McCartney’s 2019 tour

Watch the Stones perform “Midnight Rambler” in Santa Clara

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Will Durst

The New York Times called Will Durst, "possibly the best political comedian working in the country today." He writes a nationally syndicated humor column, is a frequent contributor on CNN, MSNBC & Fox News and has written 5 books, told jokes in 16 countries, released 6 CDs, racked up 800+ television appearances, held 108 jobs and despite universal reproach, continues to squeeze ketchup onto his bratwurst.
Will Durst
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